I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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