i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
