i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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