I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
