I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
