I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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