Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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