I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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