It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
