the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
