I hate your face
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
