I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
try to milk me bitch
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