I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
