your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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