my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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