Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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