You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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