You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
