Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
