Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
