Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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