i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
