just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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