I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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