Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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