I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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