I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
