Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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