Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck appropriateness.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
