He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
