You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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