I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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