I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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