im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
