I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
