when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have post one night stand depression
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