Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
