I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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