threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
