So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
