didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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