i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
