Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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