"it" just moved
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
