i barfeds in our rink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
