You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My feet surprised me
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