I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
