Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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