His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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