the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
