if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
