Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
