I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
