I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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