my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So apparently I’m into choking now
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