I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
