Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis