i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl