Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling