Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)