Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.