I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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