Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
